Battle Over My Soul

Tugging me apart
Trying to win my heart

Aching, pulling me left and right
Continuing pain, day and night

Doing right was never easy
It seemed painful, ugly and even cheesy

What my body longs for
Seems fun, relaxing and not at all harmful

Deep inside me, I knew what to do
As hard as it was, I did what is true

Help me Abba, take control
I don’t want my heart to become hard and dull

He takes the lead, and ends the fight
He is my shield, protector and my light

My soul and spirit unite as one
The war is complete, God has won.

(c) Haylea Bortz

yes, I am still alive

Hello. I haven't been on for awhile, so I decided to come back on. My life has been amazing, but I've been so busy. I just finished an exciting camp called BYBC. BYBC is a BackYard Bible Club, in which we got to...

1. Minister to children in many different neighborhoods.

2. Build better relationships with others around me.

3. Grow closer to God, and worship him.

4. Have 45 minute quiet times!!

5. Build up our acting skills.

6. Grow confident in leading worship and teaching Bible verses.

7. Eat great food.

8. Listen to amazing speakers.

and much, much more.....

Yesterday, I went to a follow up club, and when we got to our second club, I got to see a little girl I was buddies with all week. When she saw us there, standing in the field, waving at her. She threw down whatever that in her hands, and ran and gave me a huge hug.

This is her and I.

If you didn't do BYBC this year, do it next year. It is an amazing opportunity you don't want to miss. =]

Modesty

I have been thinking about modesty recently. I have been reading a bunch of books on it, and I have decided to try to become more modest. I am really excited about it! The other day Marissa and I went through our closet and picked out all the immodest clothing we had and put it in a big plastic bag. We are going to give all that clothing away. I have wanted to do that for awhile, and I'm glad we finally found time to do so. I think modesty is a big issue in our culture today, and I want to become a positive role model to those around me. Like my little sister Joelle. I want her to look up to me and want to become like me for who I am in a good wholesome way, not because of how I look.

And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes.

1 Timothy 2:9 (New Living Translation)

my self image

My self image. Wow. This is going to be a hard subject.

I started having a bad self image a couple months ago, I would weigh myself daily and beat myself up in my mind if I didn't meet my standerds. I became a introvert , because I was worried that if people noticed me, they would think that I was fat, ugly, or weird. I didn't think that anyone outside of my family would ever love me. Last month I considered becoming a bulimic, and I told one of my friends. That friend was encouraging and told me not to punish my body, and that if I wanted to look different then I should try to be more healthy. I considered it, and started to watch what I ate and exercise. I started to feel happier and energetic. But then I started to feel down again. That's when I decieded to look to Jesus, and give up my wants. Jesus has healed me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I love myself now, and it has made me love others even more then I could ever think I could love. And most of all, I love my Jesus

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.

Psalm 139:14